Re: [libreoffice-marketing] Re: Additional Platforms - 3rd Party Support Pamphlet

Marc,
I wish I had someone like you helping out with my college papers.  After 
I married, my wife helped some, but with her affected by Alzheimer's I 
do not have any to help me with writing [i.e. grammar, etc.] my documents.

Between Dyslexia and the strokes, I lost much of the abilities I had.

So thanks Marc for finding the grammar, and other writing, issues with 
the paperwork Drew and other are working on for LibreOffice Marketing.

On 05/26/2011 11:02 PM, Marc Paré wrote:
> Hi Drew
>
> Le 2011-05-26 10:36, drew a écrit :
>
> > Hi Marc, et al
> >
> > Pushed new copies to the wiki just now
> >
> > http://wiki.documentfoundation.org/File:LibO-Pamphlet-platforms-support.pdf 
> >
> >
> >   or for the ODF file...
> >
> > http://wiki.documentfoundation.org/File:LibO-Pamphlet-platforms-support.odt 
>
> Nice work!
>
> Comments, quite a few:
>
> p.2 panel 1
> The free power-packed, Open Source personal oductivity suite for: --> 
> missing "pr"oductivity
>
> p.2 panel 1
> Designed to address your ... page. --> a "run on sentence" that is too 
> long. The word "whether" needs an "or" somewhere to complete it. This 
> paragraph should be reworked.
>
> p.2 panel 1
> LibreOffice uses Open Document Format (ODF), recognized by many 
> governments worldwide as the default format for office documents. --> 
> we should promote the abbreviated form of ODF as much as possible to 
> break the .doc view that this is a document abbreviated format. Also 
> removed the "," in from of "as" and also removed the "S" at the end of 
> "documents".
>
> p.2 panel 1
>
> Should we put the (NGO) next to "Non Governmental Organizations"? 
> There seems to be space for this and it is quite the recognizable 
> abbreviation in many countries.
>
> p.2 panel 2
>
> LibreOffice is easy to use thanks to its clearly structured intuitive 
> menu. --> no need for a comma between structured and intuitive.
>
> p.2 panel 2
>
> This is different from most, closed source, commercial product 
> development models where the development happens inside a closed 
> group, and time based releases frequently slip. --> This doesn't 
> actually show any difference with the opensource group. We should find 
> a factually relevant reason of an advantage of a time based release 
> schedule that is measurable. Why is it better? I don't think we need 
> to bother comparing to closed group development.
>
> p.2 panel 2
> LibreOffice is free software, and is based on free tools. --> 
> LibreOffice is free software that is based on free tools. or 
> LibreOffice is free software that makes use of free tools. -- There 
> are too many sentences with the same "and" ...
>
> p.2 panel 2
>
> Our aim, over time ... --> Over time, our aim is -- no need to split 
> the subject with the verb here. I think it read better this way.
>
> ... is to make it easy to build releases of LibreOffice ... --> 
> substitute "for LibreOffice" with "of".
>
> p.2 panel 2-3
>
> For the most conservative users, we recommend a commercially supported 
> version, which enables you to indirectly support the project’s 
> development. Such stable versions will typically be based on a point 
> release, such as LibreOffice 3.3.2 today;
>
> For those interested in the bleeding edge, who want to enjoy new 
> features and fixes, we recommend LibreOffice 3.4.0, release 
> candidates, betas or even nightly builds, which enable a participation 
> in the development, evaluation and quality control process;
> Of course, as the 3.4 series matures, we will reach a point where we 
> will recommend a 3.4.x release as being suitable even for the most 
> conservative users.
>
> --> this is very informative. If there were a way to explain this 
> without referring to a LibreOffice version (3.3.2 and 3.4), we would 
> not have to update the pamphlet at the next version update. Maybe we 
> should push to formalize the name of the point release and the 
> bleeding edge releases. If not these two paragraphs are great. Maybe 
> we could change it to:
>
> For the most conservative users, we recommend a commercially supported 
> version, which enables you to indirectly support the project’s 
> development. Such stable versions will typically be based on a point 
> release, such as LibreOffice found on our download page.;
>
> For those interested in the bleeding edge, who want to enjoy new 
> features and fixes, we recommend LibreOffice the release candidates, 
> betas or even nightly builds, which enable a participation in the 
> development, evaluation and quality control process;
> Of course, as the development series matures, we will reach a point 
> where we will recommend this release as being suitable even for the 
> most conservative users.
>
> p2 panel 3
>
> The Document Founation --> missing the "d"
>
> p.2 panel 3
>
> Free from our large, dedicated community of developers, contributors 
> and supporters the make up the Document Foundation --> Sound a little 
> choppy and could be read as meaning something else, maybe use: Free to 
> download from our large, dedicated community of developers, 
> contributors and supporters the make up the Document Foundation. --> 
> you will also need a period here.  We should also add: Visit our 
> support pages at:  --> otherwise the previous sentence would seem to 
> call for the download page.
>
> You may support our work on LibreOffice and The Document Foundation 
> with donations, details available --> maybe use: You may support our 
> work on LibreOffice and The Document Foundation with your donations. 
> Details available at:
>
>
> It is just me, or should we start thinking of standardizing our 
> sub-site nomenclature? For example we have:
>
> http://www.libreoffice.org/support
> http://donate.documentfoundation.org
>
> Shouldn't we have?
>
> http://support.libreoffice.org
> http://donate.documentfoundation.org
>
> Also, is the PayPal method really donations@documentfoundation.org? I 
> don't know of anyone who pays this way. We normally do what I see on 
> our site on http://www.libreoffice.org/get-involved/donate/ with an 
> amount window and a PayPal button. Maybe we should use this on the 
> pamphlet?
>
> Cheers
>
> Marc


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